Marriage is seen as a union of love, trust and mutual respect. However, exceptions are always there and marriage is no different. In some cases, marriages can become toxic. These toxic marriages can be characterized by a lot of things like patterns of abuse, manipulation and unhappiness.
The biggest step towards leaving a toxic marriage is realizing that you are in a toxic marriage by looking at the signs, understanding why it might be difficult to leave and to finally gather the strength to leave by navigating the process. But leaving a toxic marriage is a crucial step towards reclaiming your happiness and well-being.
Signs of a Toxic Marriage
- Your partner doesn’t let you express your thoughts and feelings
In a toxic marriage, your partner might not let you express your feelings and thoughts. They might not ask your opinion on anything, especially any decisions, and if they ask, then still they overpower your words and do what they want.
- Your day-to-day actions and decisions are not in your control
Your partner tends to control every aspect of your life ranging from what you do, where you go, who you meet, how and to whom you speak to, till even what you wear. This might be the sign that you have a possessive, controlling partner.
- You are the only one who compromises
All the major decisions are taken by your partner, and all you have to do is agree to those decisions and compromise on everything, whether it be a small thing as to what to eat, where to go on vacation, etc.
- You are constantly criticized and blamed
In a toxic marriage, there is a constant blame which one partner puts on the other. For any issue, instead of taking responsibility, the person will always criticize their partner and put the blame on them. This can lead to a hostile and negative environment.
- There is a lack of communication
In toxic marriages, effective communication is a myth. Your partner might say they are listening to you but that might not be the case at all. And this breakdown in conversation leads to misunderstandings, resentment and feelings of isolation.
- Your partner tries to isolate you from others
If your partner gradually asks you to stop talking to other people, doesn’t care about your unique ambitions and talents and doesn’t let you have your own identity apart from them, then it seems you might be in a toxic marriage.
- There is abuse involved
Abuse could be physical, mental or emotional and it won’t change the fact that it is wrong. So, if there is any sort of abuse in the marriage, then it is a toxic marriage.
- You don’t have financial control
In toxic marriages, one partner might exert control over the household finances, and limit the other person’s financial independence and freedom.
- Your partner violates your privacy and personal space
If your partner is someone who doesn’t like you having a social media account, asks for the control of the said account, eavesdrop on your conversations, checks your phone when you are not available, or constantly doubts and accuses you of cheating of them and hiding something from them, then it is a sign that you might have a toxic marriage.
- Your version of yourself is burning out
A healthy marriage is supposed to support you to become your best self. Your partner is supposed to amplify your confidence and help in reassuring you that you can reach your goal. But, in a toxic marriage, there is the possibility that your partner constantly criticizes you, and brings your spirit down. Instead of helping you grow and believing in your goals, they just push you down and down with their words and actions.
Challenges of Leaving a Toxic Marriage
It is not easy to leave a toxic marriage. There are many factors that are to be considered even if someone does decide that they want to leave their marriage. Breaking any pattern is tough even if it is the pattern of toxic marriage.
- Fear of Retaliation: People in a toxic marriage might find it difficult to leave in the fear of retaliation from their partner. This is especially true in case of abuse. They feel that their partner might come after them and take revenge, and this leads them to concerns about their safety and well-being.
- Financial Dependency: If one partner has the stronger hold on the finances of the house, then it might get difficult for the other partner to leave owing to the fact that they are financially dependent and might not have anything left if they leave.
- Children: If the couple has children, then it gets more difficult for the person to leave. They have to think twice before they even think about leaving. And it doesn’t end there. They either have to work out the shared responsibilities together or they have to fight for custody in a court of law. Not to mention that all of this has an adverse effect on the children.
- Guilt and Shame: There is a lot of stigma and taboo involved around leaving your partner and breaking up a marriage, especially in India. Hence, the person who has to make the decision will also have to deal with the myriads of comments and accusations.
- Lack of Support: Most Indian families do not like to support the breaking of marriage. Especially in the case the woman decides to leave the marriage on her own accord. And even if it’s the husband who is breaking the marriage, it is mostly the woman who gets the blame of doing something wrong. This lack of support can deter people from actually going through with the decision.
- Cultural and Religious Factors: Some cultures and religions do not support separation, or divorce. In that case, the person suffering is made to understand that they have to stay in the marriage even if it’s toxic at the expense of their own well-being.
- Hope for Change: Some of the people carry hope in their heart that their partner might change, and that they might make the effort to improve the relationship or that it will work out eventually, they will learn. And while having hope is fine, people also have to accept the difficult reality that some marriages cannot be saved, and they will have to leave.
Strategies for Leaving a Toxic Marriage
- Safety Planning: Prioritize your safety and well-being. Make a plan which includes where you will go, having enough funds that will work for a while, which people you can depend on, and who can provide you guidance and support.
- Seek Support: Reach out to your friends and family, professionals, and even law enforcement or a lawyer in case it’s needed. Seek out people who can offer emotional support like in a support group, practical assistance and guidance throughout the process of leaving.
- Financial Independence: Take steps which you can implement to gain financial independence. So, when it’s time to leave, you have no issues with regards to finance. This could include opening up a separate bank account, getting employment, or assistance and also seeking legal advice in matters of finance.
- Documentation: If the case includes abuse, document it. Keep a record of the incident with the date, time and details of the abuse. This documentation can be helpful when seeking legal protection or support.
- Seek Professional Help: Therapy, counseling or even talking to a professional could be helpful in addressing the impact of abuse. These people can even help you in developing coping strategies and rebuild self-esteem and confidence.
- Legal Protection: In case of requirement, make sure to consider seeking legal protection by way of restraining orders, divorce proceedings, or child custody arrangements to make sure you have safety.
- Set Boundaries: Make sure to set boundaries which are clear. Establish them and enforce them with strictness. This should include but not be limited to limits of communication, interactions and behaviors that might or might not be acceptable.
- Self-Care: Try to prioritize self-care and well-being by getting engaged in activities that can promote physical, emotional and mental health. This could include exercise, hobbies, meditation and spending time with supportive individuals.
Conclusion
Leaving a toxic marriage can be a difficult process. It is complex and challenging and requires courage, determination and support. The first step to getting out of a toxic marriage is recognizing the signs that you might be in a toxic marriage, understanding that you can leave and then looking at how you can leave. Individuals have to remember that in order to reclaim their choices, safety, happiness, and autonomy.
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